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ABOUT
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“If it weren’t for my elders, I wouldn’t be anything. I wouldn’t know anything. I wouldn’t have anything. ”
TERRI WHITE | PRESIDENT, LABOR OF LOVE
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I have always held a special place in my heart for elders. Why? Because older people created and gave birth to me. When I was born in the 1960s, my parents were 39 & 41 years old, and in those days, it wasn’t as common to have older parents as it is now. Looking back, I realized that my parents were friendlier with my friends’ grandparents than with their parents, and that I’d been around, and caring for old people my entire life.
When I hear stories of our senior citizens being pushed aside, shut out, overlooked, undervalued, and forgotten … even abused … I’m troubled, because old people are my heroes. They are the matriarchs and patriarchs on whose shoulders we have risen. They imparted their wisdom on us, reared and cared for us. They paved the way for us to do the many things we take for granted, and they deserve to be adored, honored, loved and cared for always, especially when they are no longer able to care for themselves.
My life changed when my Nana’s health began to decline and I needed time off from work to handle caregiving responsibilities. When I learned that my FMLA application was denied because Nana was not a biological relative, I was shocked and upset. It did not matter that Nana was the person who help raise and care for me. Nana raised my mother after her biological parents died. In black families we have larger kinship networks and our support comes more often from kin than from paid providers. Additionally, our definitions of family are more flexible, and can include sometimes “fictive” kin, or distant relatives like Nana.
I soon realized that I was not the only one with care-giving challenges. Our country is aging. Despite advances in health care, many elderly people have chronic, incurable, progressive diseases, and need assistance with activities of daily living. Changes in the family structure, active lives and busy work schedules, physical and emotional separation, may have an effect on the availability of care. The health care system is complex and frustrating to navigate. We, as a society, don’t discuss aging or plan for it, and we’re often caught off guard when a crisis strikes. This concerned me, and I decided to do something about it.
My “phoenix” move was when I left my “good government job” and returned to school to study for my Certificate in Geriatric Care Management at the Brookdale Center on Aging at Hunter College. My vision was to take my innate talents, combine them with new skills, find an organization that aligned with my values, and get a job. But things didn’t quite work out as I’d planned. After completing school, I was unsuccessful in finding that “perfect” job. My cash flow slowed to a trickle, I fell behind on my bills, and my car was repossessed, with only six months left on the lease. I had no choice but to work in a totally different industry to make ends meet. But one thing I knew for sure was the law of reciprocity – that giving and receiving are one in the same. Even when I thought I had nothing, I still gave. The more I helped others by providing (what seemed to be) simple information, the more I received. People began coming to me for help when an older relative became ill, frail, fell, developed memory problems, could no longer live without assistance, and they didn’t know what to do. Suddenly, I was seen as a resource with an expertise that was valued.
As time passed, I slowly began to see a pinhole of light at the very distant entrance to a dark tunnel. I kept moving toward the light, through the doubt, fear and pride of “I absolutely will NOT ask my mother for a dime!” Eventually I started my company, A Labor of Love, doing what I knew best – how to help families in crisis due to an aging issue. And, I’d achieved my personal goal – to transform my passion to honor and support elders into work to support families while they care for their aging loved ones.
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